


Porn and Chocolate

by klained



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Drinking, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 00:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klained/pseuds/klained
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hobbits and elf celebrate Elijah's birthday in New Zealand. (Based on a couple interviews and photos while Lord of the Rings was being promoted.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Porn and Chocolate

Elijah nervously drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. The wicked glint in Orlando’s eyes had not been a good sign. Especially not after everything in the elf’s trailer getting covered in shaving cream. He winced. The last thing he needed upon arrival at Orli’s flat was revenge sprayed into his face. He should have stayed home. A quiet eighteenth birthday was better than this unknowing. After the week he had, he needed a quiet eighteenth birthday. What sort of sadistic bastard forced two people to crawl through Styrofoam rocks for six days? He snorted. Pete would, and he would sit back in his shorts and bare feet, giggling gleefully. Bastard. Sadistic bastard.

Which, somehow, brought him back to his original thought. What the hell was Orlando going to do to him? As he pulled into the drive, a defeated sigh escaped his lips. Too late now, he thought. A pair of hobbits and the elf came bounding out as he threw his car into park. Something about them reminded him of the girls on that MTV show whenever the current Big Thing was a guest. He didn’t mean to, but he laughed. Hard. It felt good to have his head on the back of the seat, eyes closed, gut-tightening with each “ha” as he finally let go of his stress.

"He’s bloody well lost it!" Dom’s voice drifted through the window.

As he sobered, he finally climbed from the car. The three patted his back and wished him happy birthdays and congratulations as they led him inside. On the table sat a cake with eighteen lighted candles (“The short git wanted to use nineteen,” Orlando explained, pointing at Billy. “Something about one to grow on.”) Unopened beer bottles clustered beside the cake. He smiled. It’s good to turn legal in a country that lets you celebrate it. He was vaguely aware of saying “you guys” when the singing started.

Oh, god, not the singing! The short Scot next to him wasn’t too bad, but the other two… He winced. The elf shrieked at an octave he didn’t know was possible. Not for males, anyway. His fellow hobbit wrapped an arm around his neck, squeezed, and forced him to sway along, voice all over the musical scale. If he survived, Elijah knew he would need that beer to erase this memory.

Most of the night passed uneventfully. The four finished the cake, the beer supply shrank, and the television lost the interest factor. When Orlando reported the absence of more beer in his refrigerator, everyone groaned. While sobering up now was definitely not an option, none of them was willing to make the beer run. At last they all got disgusted and prepared to leave.

Everyone waited as Orlando searched the flat for a scarf.

"You geet," Eljah slurred. "It’s suminuh. Summinar. It’s hot. You don’t need it."

When Orlando finally emerged from the back of a bedroom closet with a pink scarf, everyone laughed.

"Bink!" Billy crowed drunkenly. "We-ole manny, Roli!"

"Shuddup," came the reply as everyone was herded out.  
***************************************************  
After several hours in the pub, the group was thoroughly sloshed. They wove down the street until Elijah darted into a small convenience store on the corner. The others followed just in time to hear him declare “I need porn and chocolate!” Once the items had been collected and paid for, the group continued their slow progression to Orlando’s flat.

Upon arrival to the apartment, Elijah wrapped his arms around Dom and Billy. “This was a great birthday. You bothaw some!” he announced before immediately falling asleep.

"Bud I panned id," the elf whined.  
***************************************************  
"So that’s why I don’t remember turning 18!"

"And why you owe me 76 New Zealand dollars."

"I do not, Orlando!"

"Dom kept tabs."

"On my shoe."

"Prove it!"

An unfamiliar voice called the three away from their discussion and a photographer earned his paycheck. Who the hell were those guys, he thought as he strolled away.


End file.
